One that knows your suffering

 Jogjakarta, 29th January 2016

We’re in a car. About to go get a dinner. 3 guys, talking about bits and pieces of life. Then comes the inevitable : stories about romance, about love life. In the end someone said “The best partner is someone that’s with us in our times of struggle”

Jogjakarta, 30th January 2016

I’m in a porch. Scrolling through Instagram. Stumble upon a quote : “Who are you when you have nothing?”

I stopped. It got me thinking.

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“Who am I when I was nothing?” and “Who would I become when I have everything?”

I can’t answer that question. The answer should come from someone else. Someone that knows me when I’m still nothing, watches me when I’m struggling, and still with me when I’ve reached the goal.

I always believe that life has some stages, and each person has different stages than the others. Usually, every stage has its own suffering moments. And the pressure that comes from the sufferings shape us into who we are. Having someone besides you when that moment arrives will change the way you handle those pressures. Perhaps that’s why we can’t hate some people, no matter what happened. Maybe because they’re there at our weakest moments. Because they changed the way we react to pressure. Because they helped us through our moment of suffering. Because they’re a part of us. 

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And maybe that’s why the best partner is the one besides us in our times of struggle. 

Because they complete us.

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One that knows your suffering

What if…?

They say that major life events will change you. Well, recent events got me thinking,

What if one day, I become a victim of terrorist attack? Or my family got caught in the event that transpired that day?

One thing for sure, I can’t imagine the grief that I’ll be going through or the fear that will haunt me. But I’m not sure what will happen after that. 

I might be consumed with fear and grief, so much that my life will be ruined from that day on. Or perhaps the event will motivate me to do better, to prepare for anything that might happen in the future.

I might be the same person as I was before. There is a possibility that any kind of major events won’t change the way I do things, that I will be the same no matter what happens. That’s not good though. That means I’m already content with my life. That I don’t really need anything, want anything, or afraid of anything. That my friend, is a bad combination of arrogance, indifference and laziness. And that’s bad. Really bad.

Why? Because I haven’t achieve anything major in life. Major enough for people to remember me long after I’m gone. Major enough to still give benefits for people even after I’m long gone. I want to make sure of that before my final moment comes. I want my life to have a meaning, that my world is a bit better because of me. That’s why I need to keep improving. IF a major life events can’t change me, then that means I’m stuck in current mental state. Inanimate with no progression to a better state.

And because of that, I’m afraid to die. I’m not ready for that. Not now. 

There’s still much to do.

What if…?